Feeling like you don’t belong
Different countries, different cultures
Have you ever struggled with feeling like you’re not enough? Have you been bullied by peers or elders in a way that makes you wish you were thinner, smarter, prettier, or more like them so you could fit in and be accepted ?
Sometimes this can be intensified by moving to a new school, job or country. Moving schools or a new job and making friends is a challenge for anyone. But when it involves moving to a new country, it comes with its own set of complications. Cultural differences can be huge and you can be excluded for not thinking the same, looking the same or sounding the same.
I work specifically with clients who are struggling with feeling unsafe to be their authentic selves all the time. They may be excelling at their job but feel isolated and alone as they overachieve and mould themselves to suit their new surroundings. When you receive love and praise for the false self that you are presenting, it feels meaningless because you fear that if people knew the real YOU, their acceptance would instantly disappear.
How feelings of ‘not belonging’ can develop into eating disorders
So many people develop eating disorders to cope with the battle to ‘fit the mould’ or to feel a sense of control in their life. At first, it seems like the perfect solution for staying slim; some don’t even realise it is harmful. This pattern of self-destruction can hit at any time and often results from things in our childhood. Throwaway comments made about us can linger in our minds for years until they manifest into something darker in adulthood. It can develop into self-hatred and self-criticism. Children absorb everything and believe what they are told about themselves. Negative comments are extremely damaging and can have a long-lasting effect.
Reflecting back on our early years
The road to recovery starts when we reflect on our earlier years to try and figure out where the shame comes from. Did we look different to those around us? Were we unworthy and undeserving? No, no, no; it’s none of the above. We were and still are the best version of ourselves already. Once we realise this, we start the journey of self-recovery. Our thoughts and attitudes dictate how our lives unravel. I am passionate about helping my clients realise this; it is such a joy to see them release all the negative beliefs that hold them back from leading a happy and fulfilled life.
On my podcast Breaking Free, I speak to fellow empowerment podcaster Nadine Grace about her experiences of not fitting in and developing an eating disorder when she moved from Jamaica to the U.S.
You can listen to the full episode of ‘Visualising Grace’ on all podcast platforms. Click here to listen on apple.
If you find the episode helpful, please share and leave a short review on apple :)